Consider this statement, put forward by the wonderful author Catherine Garrod: “Unless you are consciously including people, you are almost certainly unconsciously excluding people”. How does that sit with you?
Growing up in the UK in the 70’s and 80’s, my parents were fanatical on the topic of P’s & Q’s, please’s and thank you’s. Most things were withheld until “Please may I have …” was heard, and then “thank you for …” was actively waited for and called out if not received. I couldn’t leave the dinner table without asking permission. Even the dog was expected to shake a paw to say thank you for a treat. The hiss of “say please” followed us everywhere, ad nauseam.
As an 8-year-old I’d bristle and say “I know, I know, you don’t need to say it”, but still the parental nudges came. Somewhere along the way they took hold, and the ploy obviously worked, because as a parent myself, I found myself doing the exact same thing to my own children. And the same happened with other social rules held dear – don’t be late (the ultimate sin and rudeness in my mother’s eyes), don’t answer back, don’t take the biggest piece or best piece or last piece, don’t raise your voice, share what you have, let your guest choose first.
Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are not natural imperatives, they are societal norms and learnt behaviours, turning into habits and muscle memory, usually because they are drummed into us as a child. The values we have as adults are often those we learnt in our families, in our schools and in our places of worship. I noticed as my late dad journeyed along the Alzheimer’s pathway, that manners were one of the last things to be lost, so ingrained were they in him. While we’ve probably all heard the messages about not being rude, and being nice to everyone, most of us will not have had the concept and necessity of universal inclusion nurtured in us as children, and chances are there will have been little consequence to non-inclusive behaviours. It could be the case that non-inclusive behaviours were learnt or normalised while we were a child and young adult. It could also be the case that we learned behaviours because our communities were excluded or feared or targeted, or because we were separated from our community. Conscious and unconscious bias may be so embedded in us that we may only realise with vulnerable self-reflection.
Are you of an age to remember how AIDS was reported in the UK in the early 1980’s – the “Gay Disease” – leading to vilification, rise in hate crimes and unfounded fear in the already mistreated LGBTQIA+ community, and gay men in particular. Following hot on the heels was Section 28 that stopped councils and schools “promoting the teaching of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship.” I hope that all reading this now entirely reject any negative narrative towards this community, but what unconscious bias do we have as a legacy from an earlier time. Is there a part of us that still sees LGBTQIA+ people as slightly ‘other’? And are we truly cognisant of the lasting effects of a chilling and unwelcoming history, on the LGBTQIA+ community – a section of society legislated against, feared, targeted and excluded – what extra ‘fight-flight-freeze’ triggers are they carrying.
Consider again this problem statement “Unless you are consciously including people, you are almost certainly unconsciously excluding people”. In lieu of a parent or respected elder standing behind you hissing “is this inclusive – who is being left out”, we must as adults do this for ourselves, and hold ourselves accountable, while at the same time holding our friends and colleagues accountable.
At first consciously including everyone may seem forced. At first, continually reviewing the inclusivity of our actions may feel performative, and the 8 year old inside us might roll their eyes, but if we want to create an inclusive community and society, and truly stand by our stated values, this is necessary – until inclusivity becomes so ingrained in our psyche that it happens naturally.
When I think about how to do this in practice, I think of sitting in the opticians chair, ready to be tested for yet another new glasses prescription. They put a pair of ridiculous looking frames on your nose – I believe called a phoropter, and then slip in a whole selection of different lenses testing all the various elements of your vision, till they reach the correct combination that allows us to see as clearly as possible. I’d love to be able to create an IDEA version of this, that could review each decision or discussion in real time, and point out if there are any elements that could be tweaked to make them more inclusive to different communities. Until such time as Vince, Becky, Rob and I work out how to do that, I’ll invite you to contemplate some of the following actions.
- Self-Reflection. Are we willing to step back and interrogate our own world view. Socrates is quoted as saying “True knowledge exists when you know that you know nothing.” Adopt a growth mindset. Accept that we are currently, and in the past, potentially wrong about some things, and approach learning about potential biases from a place of evolution and curiosity. Consider what we’ve done over the last week or month. Who did we speak to and interact with – were they all people who had plenty in common with us – why is that? What thoughts came into our heads about people as we associated with them? Were we ever in a space where we didn’t know anyone, or didn’t look like or think like all the other people there? Did we avoid anyone? Who challenged us? Did we discount anyone’s ideas or suggestions? What assumptions did we make about people and their motivations? What assumptions have we made about our own motivations? How have we judged people?
There are endless tools and articles available to encourage this type of exercise. We all have unconscious biases, because our brains like to find quick ways of processing the large amounts of information we are exposed to in our lived experience – we wouldn’t have evolved or survived long against the sabre tooth tigers without these biases. It’s so valuable to be able to identify their presence.
Checking Your Blind Spot: Ways to find and fix unconscious bias – Executive Management – Boyden;
Unconscious Bias: Definition and Examples | Built In
Am I a Bully? – The Canadian Institute of Workplace Bullying Resources
- Take an active part in life (whatever that means to you): Learn, absorb, listen, educate yourself, expand your mind, expand your circle, look up. We’ve all got time, when we think about the TV we watch, the podcasts and radio we listen to, and the different types of media and journalism we consume. Instead of an echo chamber, where what we consume backs up what we already believe, seek out facts and opinions from different sources. Read an author from a different culture. Have a discussion with someone from a different generation. Watch the news on a foreign news channel. The BBC, while far from impartial, is an excellent source of material to stir the mind, so if all else fails try Intelligent Time Wasting which comes in 4 minute sprints. BBC Radio 4 – Radio 4 in Four – Clips.
- Safe discussion and challenge. One of the social conventions I learnt from my parents was that discussion of politics or beliefs was not polite. I was told ‘don’t talk back, don’t answer back’. If I asked “why” about a contentious issue, the answer was often “because I said so.” It’s not a notion that I have held onto in adult life, and as a parent I’ve tried hard to encourage the confidence to challenge in my children, as I realise what a problem the abject fear of all confrontation has been for me. The entrepreneur Dhru Purohit wrote a few years ago: “If you are my friend, I want you to challenge how I think. I want you to help me see what I can’t see from my limited viewpoint. And even though it may be tough, I promise to stay open minded, especially when I think I already have things ‘figured out’. As your friend, I promise to speak up when I feel I have a valuable perspective to offer. I won’t do it to be ‘right’, I’ll do it because I know that dialogue helps us both grow. I’ll do my best to be kind and direct, and I’ll apologise when I fall short. “
- I realise that this word and its connotations can make some people uncomfortable, and it may be perceived as inappropriate in some situations, but to be true to myself and to live my own personal values it is necessary that I actively take part in trying to bring about social change. For myself, when it became clear that my children were part of a marginalised and targeted community, I knew that I had to take a stand in any arena where I had a voice, to try and change the world for them, and for all the people like them. For some, there is no choice but to be an activist, whatever being an activist means to them. For some it is a natural instinct, and for some, they are ‘activated’ by an issue or event. If we are not activists ourselves, lets allow activism in others. If we do not like the methods activists take, let’s ask ourselves what action we would take in their shoes for a cause that held equal significance to us. I think its important to add the caveat at this point that there are some instances where methods of activism are unacceptable. Extreme actions tend to draw attention to a cause but erode public support. The Activist’s Dilemma: Extreme Protest Actions Reduce Popular Support for Social Movements | Stanford Graduate School of Business
- Keep in mind the old phrase “there but for the grace of God, go I” and these words on shame, by Brene Brown “We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people” –the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our kids play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don’t want living next door.”
In conclusion, I believe that we live IDEA by encouraging, building up and flexing the muscle of conscious inclusion, which is achieved by self-reflection, education and discussion. It’s a constant journey, that we are on as individuals and as part of our community. The Skewb IDEA team have always understood the power of storytelling, and we will continue to make inclusion part of our ecosystem one conversation at a time.
By Gill Edwards
Gill Edwards is Senior Project Manager at Skewb. To speak with her about this topic in more detail, you can connect with her on LinkedIn.
